Saying goodbye is one of the hardest things to do

I was glad that I didn't cry that night when I left for the US. I've told myself not to, but I did shed a few drops of tears. I wished that I had a merrier departure; but I guess that you couldn't really be joyful about leaving behind those you love and care for. It sort of killed me when I walked through the check in gates and looked back to give a goodbye wave to my family.

As I walked through the gate, I kept asking myself why didn't I try to make my presence back home more worthwhile instead of playing dota every night? Why didn't I try to make them happier when I had the opportunity to? Why didn't I talk to them more? Don't get me wrong. I did spend my time with them, but I wish that I had spent much more. Sigh...

The reason why I was dying to study abroad was to be independent of my family. The further I was away from them, the better it was for me. To be truthful, before going back, I was not looking forward to this trip at all. I used to find it hard to fight for my freedom back home and to avoid my mom from over-controlling my life. However, when I was home this time, surprisingly I found myself free to do whatever or go wherever I wanted to, without my mom's pesterings (except that she still decided how I should take my shower). And I could communicate better with my dad, something which I found it awkward to do so a few years back. I guess that 2 years away from home had made me and my parents more tolerant and accomodative towards each other (my parents have a much larger contribution in this aspect than I do). Finally, I found myself yearning to be home with my family once again.

Thus, not surprisingly, when I arrived at my room last night, I called them right away (something that I didn't do at all for the last 2 years). Listenning to their voice over the phone made me felt at home. I think that I owe them an apology for neglecting them all the while I was in the US, but I want to apologize to them without telling them directly (it's pretty a pretty complicated thing. I think my friend Kenny might understand what I mean). I'm glad that this trip back home had triggered the guilty conscious in me and I am looking forward to going back next summer (hopefully).